2020 Musings

How on earth would you describe this year? And what do you think are the biggest things you have learnt this year? Its been so very different for all of us, it is probably one of the clearest examples of how complexly layered our experiences are, how multifaceted our individual responses have been and quite simply that there is a level of relatability to a point but on the whole it really is different for each of us.

All these new experiences have triggered new challenge's so theres also been a whole new raft of emotions to deal with for all of us, far to many to list here but I'll mention a couple that have come to mind that I experienced. Actually in hind sight both of these examples led to my realisation that I had some work to do and stuff to clear around having a voice and being heard.

The first example that I haven't actually spoken about till now is the inability to express how I actually felt during our lockdown, this was a decent problem for me afterwards, it felt like I had gagged myself, I wouldn't speak my truth as I was caught up in the desire not to offend or upset anyone. Thats what empaths, healers, carers, nurturers do I guess. The truth is I loved it, I loved the peacefulness, I loved the feeling of the world slowing down, of people getting a chance to breathe, I loved our walks and the change of pace. Ironically it stopped my business in its tracks, it affected my partners business at the time, things were uncertain though I felt very grateful for having more than enough to get through, there was worry about friends and family and I had deep despair for those (I did or didn't know) whose lives were seriously financially and emotionally stressed by it. I wasn't in a bubble view, I could see how it was for many, I could see the different personalities deal in different ways, the different economic impacts, the health impacts emotionally, spiritually and physically. I wasn't home with my feet up because I took on 2 jobs during that time, I dusted off my nursing hat at the MOH and my zoono hat to cleanse childcare centres. But I could also see and feel the positive energy impacts that this enforced change of pace created, it opened up space in which to breathe, it opened up changes in direction for many, it opened up a lot of hearts that had been so busy keeping up with the rat race that they weren't filling their boots with service to themselves or others, feeling nature, breathing in the oxygen or any other feel good acts. I guess I could see and feel all the aspects of Joy that were also blooming amongst people or maybe it was to do with picking up on the earth energy as it got a chance to heal and breathe or for reasons I may never understand the experience filled me up with joy and peace and the sense that a much bigger picture change is in process, a huge shift in the world as we have known it. The energy I feel/felt is that there is chan